Jesus Is 

 To Death

We adore thee O Christ and we praise thee, beccause by thy Holy Cross thou has redeemed the world.          

“ after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors”
                                 Luke 2. 41-52


Death. Do I fear it?  I am terrified, but  there are moments, when in giving, you gain the incalculable.
So much is wrong, so much unnecessary.
Let me give.

We live lives dedicated to change.
“Ce petit monde est a refaire”  
(This little world must be remade).

Who is to blame?  
We can talk of specifics.
We should not talk of blame, but of understanding, 
Evaluation.  
We must identify the problems.

I take a walk with Christine's children in Umoja, Nairobi.
Flowers grow along the path; purple and yellow.
The corn has been harvested though there are still some ripening.
The whole field has been cultivated since I was here lst October,
Women were preparing the ground then, and planting.
They have worked well.

Some people are secure with their money and posessions.
Do they care only for themselves?

What Impels?

Please, help us with our lives.
Help us overcome our faults,
understand and change.
Forgive us our trespasses.

Lord Jesus, you are condemned to death a million times by greed and self-interest.
By power compounded with fear
in this vicious cycle of survival.

Condemned to death
and yet going beyond death.
Unstoppable.

You will not die,
“I will not die”.

We are left with the question, “Why does life destroy life
                         Why destroy that which will take the fear away?”
But their fear is not our fear.
We are not our bodies,
We are more than our minds, 
more that our sense of “I”, Tyranical, fragile, fearful...



2.  Jesus Take Up His Cross

We adore thee O Christ and we praise you, because by the Holy Cross thou has redeemed the world.

“And he went out, bearing his own cross to a place which is called Calvery.”

This weight is heavy.

There are too many questions;

What is this life?

What is Truth?

What is God?

This is a journey I am reluctant to start.  A journey of pain, of greed, of loss.

Help me father, the burden is too heavy.

Is there no one to help me?

I knew it would come to this.

It is an inevitable contradiction, a head on collision.

Asking for the right to exist for all of us?

Am I such a threat to your well being?

I am alone,

My friends take the easy way out.

Why do I have to suffer?

Didn’t we sort this out in the garden the other night?

What has brought me to this place?

Why do I feel, what do I feel?

“why?”

So many questions.



3. Jesus Falls The First Time.

We  adore thee O Christ and we praise thee, because by they Holy Cross thous has redeemed the world.

Help us, we need strength and hope.

We get down, trapped.  We lose and can’t get up again.

We feel crushed, by loss, by circumstance,

We lose the thread, the reason, the motivation

We feel the world press down, stare at us, watch our every move.

Sick, ill, despairing… Help us.

To find, to search, the share, build, believe,

Find a friend

And realise that to be lonely is not a crime.

Help us to have the highest values.

To love.

To love, the word shudders,

“To love”.  There is no foundation to this word.

“To love,” and act upon our love.

“To love,“ and build a better world.

“To love,” and do more than merely cope.

Who can tell us which way we are to go, what we are to sacrifice?  Even tell us what sacrifice is.

4. Jesus Meets His Mother.

We adore thee o Christ and we praise thee, because by they holy Cross thou hast redeemed the world.

“Behold, this child is set for the fall and rising of Manny in Israel and for a sign that is spoken against, that thoughts out of many hearts may be revealed… And a sword will pierce through your soul also.”

        Like 2.   34/5

“…that thoughts out of many hearts may be revealed.”

Sometimes we fall

And sometimes,

By the Grace of God,

The task is worthy of us.

It is only with a knowledge of Christ that I can cope with a passion that shades, colours and makes me feel guilty.

I yearn for more than beauty.  Or am I coming to appreciate beauty for what it really is, and what it brings - a sense of loving.

If we try to possess it, it brings sadness,

When we would enclose, 

deny,

enslave.

Let beauty be free.

5. Simon of Cyrene Helps Jesus to Carry His Cross.

We adore thee O Christ and we praise thee, because by thy Holy Cross thou hast redeemed the world.

“They came open a man of  Cyrene, Simon ny name, this man they compelled to carry his cross.”

Just imagine.  A fairly ordinary man drawn to watch the spectacle, his mind asking “who, what , why?  Curious.  Time on his hands.  Drawn and Thank-you my sister. by what he finds - injustice.  Isn”t it always injustice if you look hard enough?  The Roman regime was hard and brutal. Punishments were harsh but there was something about this man Jesus that none through the blood and the beatings, something that struck deep into Simon”s heart.  This was not the law being kept, the upholding of law.  This was goodness.  Not merely observing edicts and prohibitions but a goodness in and of itself.  A goodness that was beyond the law.  This was love itself, love in action.  And it was all so wrong!  Wrong and impossible to ignore.  Everything that was good was on its way to be crucified.

Did the soldiers see the puzzled look on Simon”s face?  They needed the cross to move to Calvary.  They were short of time.  This Jesus of Nazareth was at death’s door.  He wouldn’t make it.  They needed someone strong and compliant.  You do not refuse the Roman Army.

Did they see Simon”s sympathy?  But it didn’t matter.  He was caught up.  Too close.  But instead of self recriminations, Simon found himself a willing participant.  He was glad to carry the cross despite himself.

Law goes beyond the small self.  This refusing that is so hard, so impossible?  Here is the man who proves it is possible.  Here is what band can be.  Not trapped by a humanity, a greed or ones cruelty.  Jesus was beyond that.  Somehow Simon felt it.  He acquiesced willingly.  Here he was, Simon, on the one hand in danger of confrontation with Roman soldiers, but never had he felt so free.  IN the wrong place at the wrong time but it felt so right.  Part of God”s plan.

Calvary becomes a metaphor for us all.  The man whose cross he was carrying could say “no” to himself.  He could say “no” to all men, even beyond death.  In this refusal, History takes an enormous step.

A battle, an interior battle had been won.  Here is the victor’s reward.  By the Grace of God, birth and circumstance, here was a man beyond selfishness.  Through and through, nothing obscuring the Will of God.  Childlike, this was a child of God.

Could Simon help but get drawn in?  Was he cursing himself for getting involved?  But how could he be anything but grateful?  Had he heard about this man Jesus before?

Simon was from North Africa, with two sons, Rufus and Alexander.  Did he have questions?  The very presence of the man he was helping demanded selflessness, showed selflessness, taught selflessness.

It is in refusing ourselves, strengthening our will, saying “no” to oneself that we allow the Lord to shine forth in our lives.  The only obstacle between ourselves and him is self interest.  The only obstacle.  The final obstacle.

6. Veronica Wipes The Face Of Jesus.

We adore thee O Christ and we praise you, because by thy Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Legend has it that a woman in the crowd wiped the blood and the sweat off your face, and the imprint left a “Vera Icon”, or true image.  Like a photograph or a painting, the bloodstained cloth captured your image for all time.  The imprint of an act of kindness.

She pressed the veil to your face.

The blood, from the crown of thorns, ran into your eyes.  You could hardly see.

Images we hold dear

Refreshment when we are tired

Like a breeze

Or a sparkling stream of water.

Thank-you Sister.



Seventh Station:    Jesus Falls A Second Time.

We adore thee O Christ and we praise thee,

Because by thy Holy Cross thou hast redeemed the world.

Legend has it that Christ fell...

but it is us who fall and we claim Christ as our own.  We use his suffering as an image for our own weakness. But why do we want to focus on the weakness of our Lord rather than his strength?

Jesus falls.

Extremities... of exhaustion

How much can an individual undergo?

How much can an individual take?

I think of the tortured, 

how this is inflicted intentionally.

Let them kill me here...

but no, they have worse!

Am I supposed to bear this with dignity, 

when everything is designed to humiliate me?

We need to think of Christ stretched to the limit because this is what life does to us.  Before we listen, before we even think about change, we take the world to the edge of nuclear war, we unleash havoc in climatic change, we watch while others endure genocide. We suffer repression, selective about who we help.  A country rich in oil is worthy of regime change, whatever the cost.  Tell me Iraq was not about the oil.

“Place ton esprit devant celui qui est le miroir eternel.  Place ta vie devant celui qui est la splendeur de la gloire.  Place ton coeur devant celui qui represente exactement ce que Dieu est.” sainte Claire d'Assise (quoted in Prions en Eglise.  Bayard Aug. 2008)

Like Arjuna in the Indian spiritual classic; the Bhagavad Gita, we have to choose to fight against our own selfishness.

Never mind Jesus falling for a second time, let us look to ourselves and face up to our powerlessness, our lack of will power.

In this fall...

We need privacy to really reflect

We need to come home and relax.

Rest from the grueling journey of a committed life.

Find strength,

find our centre

our own  true selves,

Then we can choose to work.

Was Jesus glad to be on his way to die?

The question is absurd... futile.

How could he possibly feel glad

fulfilling what was written?

There will always be a Christ when things get bad,

the role will be played out over and over again.

“I'm sorry,” we say, “the burden was too great!”

and sometimes it is.  And we lose control.

Often, 

or rather until we learn how to focus,

unify our desires.

When we lose control, who do we blame?

We blame ourselves, hate ourselves when we are weak.

To give all.  There is so much pain.

To feel just some is more than we can bear.

Fathers and sons, what a riddle.

Children.

To know the father...

The way is hard, we go along

to die

We fall and it hurts all the more.    We forget

and yet in falling we understand

We understand so much more.

We are privileged to be reminded of his falling.

His falling, His every step

we follow

but how hard it is to keep him in our minds.

Who is this man condemned to die?

  

Eigth Station:   Jesus Speaks To The Women Of Jerusalem.

We adore thee O Christ and we praise thee,

Because by thy Holy Cross thou hast redeemed the world.

“And there followed him a great number of the people and of women who bewailed and lamented him.  But Jesus turning unto them said, Daughters of Jerusalem, weep not for me but weep for yourselves and for your children.  For behold, the days are coming, in which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the breasts that never gave suck.  Then shall they begin to say to the mountains, Fall on us; and to hills, Cover us.  For if they do these things in the green tree, what shall be done in the dry?”

                                                                   Luke 23. 27-31

“For if they (the Jewish authorities together with the Roman state) do this when the wood is green, what will happen when it it dry?”

Mary our  Mother listen to our prayer:

in Nairobi,

in Lagos

Port Harcourt

Bayelsa

River State, 

listen to our prayer

In Abidjan,

The Sudan,

in  Iraq

Eastern Europe

Mother of  immigrants

of refugees

of single parents

of children who feel they have to carry weapons to defend themselves.

Mother, help us to move beyond the games we play with our clothes and our hair

Let us set our own fashions

choose our own entertainment.

Teach us how to turn off the television

how to pick up a book

find nourishment for our minds and bodies.

How to talk to one another, giving each our full attention.

As a woman you know...

So much can be said with a glance, 

eyes looking into eyes

love affirming love

Every word that was ever written has led to this moment.

The world watches

from the past and from the future.

I walk for you and for your children,

die that others may live,

What would you have me say

what should I have said before Pilot and Herod?

“Yes”?

This road of death

this battle.

 

Ninth Station

We adore thee O Christ and we praise thee,

Because by thy Holy Cross thou hast redeemed the the world.

 “Pray unceasingly”.  “Pray continually.”

“Fill every spare minute, accompany every boring or simple task with the repetition of the name of God, until, compelled by its own momentum, it repeats itself effortlessly without your conscious intervention.”

        Eknath Easwaran explains in his “Mantram Handbook”, that repetition of a mantram can be found in every religion;  it is like the stick that the mahout puts in the elephant's trunk to prevent it from pilfering from the stalls along the way.  St Francis used “My God and my All”. Brother Lawrence recommends a simple “Lord” in meditation.  Ghandi used the word “Rama” - Joy.

Nothing highlights the frailty of the mind like using a mantra.  We come to see the mind for the imperfect piece of machinery that it is.  We begin to disassociate ourselves from our sense of  “I” to find the voice of the Lord within us.  Slowly we learn to discriminate.  We are aided in situations of stress and we learn to bring our temper and our palate under our control.  We are no longer powerless against our own weaknesses but begin to sharpen our willpower, building up this new muscle in our lives as we start to overcome our own selfishness.

“The mantram becomes ones staff of life and caries one through every ordeal”  Mhatma Ghandi  

Weary, with the stamp of worry

weighing heavy on this leaden body

unknowing, waiting,

dependent on others, 

on the will of others,

the time of others,

the less than satisfaction of others

as they haggle

          more than

 for a price

         of my soul

(but my soul is beyond price and cannot be bought or owned)

My soul will serve

           but retains its freedom

                             its link with God

                             its everlasting, all purposeful...

My soul will retain 

its hope

its rest

its future

its joy

its promise of pleasure

           sharing sunsets, 

togetherness

                                 taking refreshment in tomorrow

                                 the promise, plan, perfection,

                                 the faith when the glimpse is lost

                                                                             is gone

Christ shining

           transforming

                               walking through Umoja.

You walked from the Praetorium, where they mock crowned you King of the Jews.  They had their fun with you, played the master in their turn.

We know you walked.

That Simon helped you.

We know that you are God.

That you are beyond selfishness.

That you have no ego.

Mary, can we know Jesus as you knew him? 

(“anyone who does the will of my father is my brother, my sister, my mother”)?

Jesus, you describe yourself as the greenwood.

growing.

or perhaps the teaching of the Indian Subcontinent the older wood,

Mohammed greener still?

Lord, from time to time, I can see the beauty in the sky;

on the bus going to work at the Royal Docks, Newham, London,

I see ugliness.

I try to care, to understand,

make allowances.

I used to walk from home

so many different greens against a grey sky, 

the best that England has to offer.

Beneath clouds rimmed with light.

“Father forgive them for they know what they do.”

Eleventh Station:      Jesus Is Nailed To The Cross

We adore thee O Christ and we praise thee,

Because by thy Holy Cross thou hast redeemed the world.

What is the difference between guilt and sorrow?

Sorrow understands.

While guilt hides and fears.

Sorrow is maternal.

Guilt, the child with no-one to turn to.

So much pain.

Numb. Delirious.  The body retching and heaving.

A grotesque reminder of the moment of conception.

How much was paid to the man who knocked in the nails?

A billion souls demand this moment as their own?

Christ pinned down.

The evader.

But Christ never evaded anything,

though he might have given the crowds the slip a few times.

The man with the clever answers

is in extreme pain.

Self-righteousness has led a million souls to martyrdom.

A sense of being right, not perhaps a sense of being universally right for all time,

but right among their contemporaries.

Maximilian Kobe, Pray for us.

The only way 

I can show you 

the only way to teach you when you can not listen

is to let you do this to me, once and for all

You will torture me

until that day

until you see that you do this to yourself 

that I am your mother, father, brother, sister

your unborn child 

you punish here.

What state can be built upon these foundations

You know no better because you have not yet learned to love,

learned to be patient

kind

unselfish.

“Sing Hosanna”

Twelth Station:     Jesus Dies Upon The Cross

We adore thee O Christ and we praise thee,

Because by thy Holy Cross though hast redeemed the world

I am about to die; 

when that moment comes, 

will we laugh?

Will we smile?

Will it matter?

What shall we do?

When this moment comes

I will be everywhere,

no longer limited by my body.

“Where two or three are gathered together...”

We who grieve, 

who are about to share this meal together

let the evening be kind to us.

Will you listen when the tears roll?

When I call your name will you answer?

When I call your name will you pray?

Bring a smile and a promise of laughter

our troubles are rolling away.

I am about to leave my body behind



Thirteenth Station:     Jesus Is Taken Down From The Cross

We adore thee O Christ and we praise thee,

Because by thy Holy Cross thou hast redemmed the world.

After the ordeal, a mother can reclaim her son.  On one of the most famous images of all time, the Piéta,  sculpted by Michaelangelo, is on permanent display in St Peters, Rome.   Jesus is once again in the arms of his mother.  

The journey is over.

What heartbreak.

“It is my fault,” she says.

A mother's feeling of guilt of blame.  This for the human mind was not what she wanted at all.  What had happened?  Her son's ministry had been interrupted and he had been executed.  How could she possibly...

Well did she understand the immortal soul and the role it had to play?

Regardless of this, she was a mother and her heart was going to be torn in two.

Jesus.

Mother of God

turning to you 

helps.

“Come to my house”

Our Lady of the Assumption, 

Umoja, 

Bethnal Green.

My son is dead.

“Take his body down, tomorrow is the Sabbath, and take him to the tomb.”

  

  Fouteenth Station:   Jesus Is Laid In The Sepulchre.

We adore thee O Christ and we praise thee,

Because by thy Holy Cross thou hast redeemed the world

“Seigneur, Ton pauvre corps a été mis dans la tomb, comme le sera le nôtre,

Et Tu en sors transfigure, comme nous en sortirons un jour”

                 (Sr. Emmanuelle Billoteau   365 meditationes de Soeur Emmanuelle Coire.com)

Cold stone.

Cool breeze after the stifling heat.

Night is falling.

The body is washed and laid to rest.

Finally you return to the tenderness, the loving hands of those who love you.  But your body is without life, incapable of returning what is given, of reciprocation.  

A body still, silent and cold.

A body left to eternity. 

Under  the gaze of Mary,

statue by statue,

beneath your sacred heart,

my heart heals.

Chris Gollon*  used a motif of arrows.

I am reminded by one of the choirboys in Umoja;

his shirt is covered with arrows.

I look at a photo of Our Lady of Mount Carmel, Aylesford,

the ceramic background by Adam Kossowski;

arrows.

“Cold stone”, 

Chris Gollon picks up the phrase.

Cool breeze,

Night falls.

Guards?

Jesus isn't there.

I will survive my own death

says the Lord

of Life.

To pass  easily from one world to another is the mark of a good life.  To do so and know that you are doing so is almost beyond our imagination.  Except by faith.  The spirit is unconquerable.  The spirit is eternal.  Christ knew the Father.  The eternal voice spoke.  The word became flesh.  

May the word find us and may we find Christ within

and be attentive to his voice.

May we learn to recognize his presence and his absence as we grapple with our selfishness, our conditioned response.  Let us learn how to respond with kindness and calmness, how to deal with our anger and our fear, our lust and our greed.  Let us learn to look with eyes of love, eyes searching to find the Lord in the eyes of others, knowing that He is in all as he is in me.

Do not let me be taken away from him.  Let nothing I do drive him away.

And when I lose him, let me be tireless in searching.

Lord, the tomb is empty.   You are not there.  The spirit lives.

Our bodies, as Easwaran says, are like favourite items of clothing.  Let us look after them well and leave them behind when they are worn out.  Leave them, with gratitude for the service they have given.  And when tragedy comes, let us bear it with dignity.  Through the tears comes a light which can never be extinguished.  Let us remember our loved ones and thank God for the time we have spent with them, however brief.  They will always be with us.  Forever, they have a special place in our hearts.  For we learn together, although often we are more concerned with a person's absence than their eternal presence.

The climb to Purgatory is steep.  It requires continual effort and the Grace of god.  Never let us forget that it is our destiny to stand on the summit and survey the way we have climbed.

Lord, never let us be separated from you.

* Chris Gollon was commissioned by the Anglican Church in Bethnal Green to paint a Stations of the Cross.  His work has been a great aid for me in finishing this series.  I would also like to thank Nasib Abdi in the Alwahda Cyber Cafe, Umoja for her help.

Mike Parsons



The Stations of the Cross

(for Fr Phillip Lemon, 

Our Lady of The Assumption, Bethnal Green, London)

“After the first death, there is no other.”  Dylan Thomas

Mike Parsons